The World of the Infamous Raquel Welch

2002-06-27T13:51:00.000-04:00

I want to get away from life. I was rather upset last night. I am always thinking about everything. I feel like, even with my friends, I'm on the outside. when I'm with my friends, I'm always on the defensive. I don't trust them. I still feel like one day they'll turn on me or one day they'll just hate me. I am so incredibly conflicted. it seems like everyone always turns on me. changes their mind about me. doesn't need me like they thought they did. I feel like I can just always be cut out of the picture. I'm just there for a laugh. I'm just there cause I act crazy and I can do what I want. but the little things get to me. and I'm so totally insecure, it's not even funny. I got out my dave matthews cd today for some reason. I was looking for the ataris... but I've got no clue where that is. life is funny sometimes. I am working on my self image. I want to be satisfied with who I am, so it won't matter if my friends suddenly hate me. I am walking 2 miles every day and not eating too much, hoping that will help me. Who knows... who knows...

2002-06-27T13:46:00.000-04:00

I call you up, you pick up you call my bluff, on the cards of love you hold too close your hands to your chest I can't read your eyes, but I confess it's lonely far from you even when you're right by me it's only why I wait for you, take my hand why do I beg like a child for your candy? why do I come after you like I do, I love you....

2002-06-27T13:42:00.000-04:00

sometimes I can't move my feet it seems as if I'm stuck in the ground somehow like a tree as if I can't even breathe and my screams come whispering out as if nobody can even see me like a ghost sometimes I can't see myself... sometimes I feel lost as I pull you out like strings of memories wish I could weave them into you and I could figure the whole damn puzzle out... if I'd had it all, oh I'd fuck it up sure...

2002-06-24T20:43:00.000-04:00

there. that's all the quizzes I did last night in my spare time. This week is so freakin boring.

2002-06-24T20:35:00.001-04:00

2002-06-24T20:35:00.000-04:00

Who's Your Movie Sidekick? Find out @ She's Crafty

2002-06-24T20:34:00.002-04:00

Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

2002-06-24T20:34:00.001-04:00

Which Breakfast Clubber Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

2002-06-24T20:34:00.000-04:00

What's Your Sexual MO? Find out @ She's Crafty

2002-06-24T20:33:00.001-04:00

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

2002-06-24T20:33:00.000-04:00

What's Your Style? Find out @ She's Crafty

2002-06-24T20:32:00.000-04:00

Which My So-Called Life Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

2002-06-23T21:15:00.000-04:00

"I like you the way you are when we're driving in your car and you're talking to me one on one But you become somebody else around everyone else, watchin your back like you can't relax, you're tryin to be cool, you look like a fool to me" Well, I couldn't have said it better myself.

2002-06-08T15:02:00.000-04:00

I hate my life. I hate myself. Goodness and I thought everything was getting better. Well, not anymore. I have lost my best friend and I don't know why and I don't know what to do about it. So I'm just trying not to do anything. And trying to refrain from bursting into tears at inopportune times. Let's see... it's been so long since I posted on here. I've been hanging out with Mayur and Adrienne a lot lately. That's always fun. I'm about to leave for girls state, so it'll be another week before I'll be back. And then the rest of my summer is pretty busy. So yes, summer is great. Except for losing my best friend. That really sucks. It really really upsets me. But yeah, I'm trying not to think about that too much cause it makes me cry a lot. Hmm... Wednesday I went to that stupid Stone Mountain and my fat ass couldn't climb it. So I didn't really eat the rest of the day. Then Thursday Mayur made me have a regular coke and a tiny piece of chocolate. And I drank a lot of diet coke. Then Friday I drank more diet coke and had a pretzel and a piece of chocolate that Katie made me eat. Oh and that little strawberry thing I ate at Mayur's house. :-) And today, Saturday, I had a little carbolite chocolate bar. So ya know, that's exciting. Anyway, I'm off to a group 4 meeting. Byebye everybody.

2002-05-31T00:12:00.000-04:00

I just returned from the fine state of north carolina today. where lee likes to eat apple sauce and the rain makes our tent capsize. I have no clue if that's the right usage of the word capsize, but it looks good. so ANYway.... yeah, north carolina is a fine state. and I just returned from it today. lee and I survived our road trip. I'm very proud of us. so then I came home and sat on my ass for a while. cleaned up my stuff a bit, I guess. then I went to dinner with adrienne and mayur and nadia. and of course, we harrassed the waiter a bunch and mayur dressed me with his cell phone. cause my pants were downstairs. we had lots of fun. but we always do. and my grandmother is coming tomorrow to plan out a trip to the grand canyon or something. and now I get to go to the yippeee-fun girls state thing. woooo. if I miss my SPE because of this stupid thing, I'll be pissed. sonia's battle of the bands is on sunday... woo it's gonna be a long weekend.

2002-05-26T16:39:00.000-04:00

2002-05-26T16:34:00.000-04:00

I Am
Fachea
Celtic Goddess of Poetry.
I'm a freaky writer type that doesn't like to leave the house. I'm probably a lot smarter than you.
What Celtic Goddess are You?
Quiz by Aoibhell

2002-05-26T16:25:00.000-04:00

which "monty python and the holy grail" character are you?

this quiz was made by colleen

2002-05-26T16:24:00.000-04:00

2002-05-26T16:12:00.000-04:00

Holy Cornball, Batman!! Hello, world. I'm at my mom's office, trying out her computer and her new office space. It's very exciting here. I have wasted away my day. I went out last night with Adrienne and Joseph and some of their friends. I am watching John Mayer's No Such Thing video cause my mommy's computer is just THAT fast. However, the space bar sticks... so I'll write about my pathetic life later.

2002-05-23T17:07:00.000-04:00

Which Woman of Beauty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.

2002-05-23T17:00:00.000-04:00

Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.
Art used (c) by JonathonArt.com

2002-05-23T00:14:00.000-04:00

"I'm sinking slowly so hurry hold me" I swear Michelle Branch stole that from Saves The Day, I swear it!

2002-05-23T00:13:00.000-04:00

I am afflicted with a great pain
A pain that eats me inside out
I am the cause of my troubles
Because I cause my suffering
And now I cannot escape
The terrible memories
Vivid images that plague me
I feel that my life is being eaten away
Eating itself from the inside out
And I cannot find neither the beginning
Nor the end of my affliction
All I know for sure
Is that my pain lies within me
And I deserve to die
To die the death of my nightmares
Nightmares that eat at my brain
Even as I am awake, even now
It is eating at me, chewing a hole

2002-05-23T00:08:00.000-04:00

Did you ever feel like you are not in control of your body? I feel sick. I'm afraid. And I want to die. I guess I should go to sleep since I have exams tomorrow. But I really feel quite ill and I wish I could just never wake up. That would make me happy, I think. I keep trying to decide if life is even worth it and I keep thinking no. Every time I think that something could possibly work out for me, that life might be smiling on me, I push it out. In one way or another, I will not allow myself to be happy. No matter how much I watch myself, I somehow always lose sight of my own happiness.

2002-05-22T15:16:00.000-04:00

"Beware clarity. A man speaking to you in clear language is clearly using obsolete ideas." - Herbert Marshall McLuhan

2002-05-22T14:08:00.000-04:00

Well, I had some stuffin here to blog, but I lost it. So yeah, I dunno what happened. But I was saying that there are only 2 more days of school left and then Lee and I are going to see John Mayer!! Hehehe. "Who's John Mayer?" I'm looking at colleges to visit while Lee and I are in North Carolina. That is if he doesn't hate me for lying to him. I know I shouldn't have. Anyway, that's something I don't want to get into in such a public place as this. :-( So yeah, Friday night I went to a Treephort concert and met Paul's old girlfriend Colleen (I really don't like that girl) and saw Ada and Laurie!! Yay Ada and Laurie! Jello loves you! Hmm and Alex spent the night and then Saturday I found out I'm gonna work as a Teaching Assistant (TA) at the June session of the Summer Performance Ensemble (SPE) at the Woodruff Arts Center (WAC). THen I went to see Blink 182 and Green Day at Lakewood with ALex, her brother, and Katie.

2002-05-19T15:32:00.000-04:00

I wanna run through the halls of my high school I wanna scream at the top of my lungs I just found out there's no such thing as the real world just a lie you got to rise above I am invincible as long as I'm alive

2002-05-19T15:28:00.000-04:00

"that could be my obsessive compulsive dream come true"

2002-05-12T17:08:00.000-04:00

Ok, hmm. right now I am trying to decide what to wear to Outback for my mom's mother's day present. I think more than a towel might be advisable. Yesterday I went to the drama banquet as shirley temple and looked darling of course. And then Lee and I went to Alex's house for a little party with Alex and Rebecca. We went to a little playground and had lots of fun. Life is full of surprises, as a little Brian once told me. And I am a daft cow as two of my best buds once told me. :-)

2002-05-12T11:52:00.000-04:00

decided to try out marg's greek goddess thing, and go figure... I'm aphrodite. hahaha. ;-)

2002-05-12T11:51:00.000-04:00

See which Greek Goddess you are.

2002-05-11T01:43:00.000-04:00

Ooh and now it's Friday. Yeah, I know it's been a while. Too long for me. ;-) Anyway, after the spanish exam the week went downhill from there. Tuesday was a terrible day for me. Wait, maybe Wednesday too. I don't even remember. A lot of days were bad for me. People were worried about me this week. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I be beautiful? Why can't people love me? I don't understand. It's just not fair. Oh well. Thursday night I went to a Braves game with my family and we ate at the 755 Club and that was fun. Today I went to the latin banquet with Lee and took Brian Bullard home, which was weird. The latin thing was ok. Lee spit up all over himself, cause he's crazy. Things are weird. Lee likes Wingard. It's a great street. I saw a man from Iowa driving around. We went and saw Spiderman and now I feel bad cause I promised to see it with Gloria. I can never keep myself in check. I do tooo much crap. I hate myself. I am always promising too much. So we'll see what happens. Argh.

2002-05-07T23:17:00.000-04:00

It's Tuesday. And the Spanish exam is over. EEk. Finally. So... I'm going to sleep now. Been out with Cory and Trey. And I'm on the phone with Courtney. So I'll... be... getting away from my stupid computer now.

2002-05-06T02:06:00.000-04:00

Ugh. Lit paper revisions. I think I'm making it better though. I'm in trouble. My parents hate me. But that's ok, I guess. I am having a very odd day. Odd weekend too. Brief synopsis: Friday night I went out with Alex and Paul. Went to the Cheesecake Factory in Buckhead and good stuff like that. Saturday I went to Alex's house. Then I saw Y Tu Mama Tambien with Gloria. There was a funny old man who looked at my ID and still let me in and gave me 50 cents that he should have kept. It was weird. But we got a medium hot dog for $1! hehe. Then I went to Lee's house and we made a nice dinner and Katie came over. We had to clean cause we had "company"... cause I'm not company. I live there. Then Lee was trying to make plantains or something. And he ended up smearing them all over all of us. And he spit in my bra!! And then we tried to watch a movie, didn't work out too well. And I spent the night at his house and Katie went home. Then he brought me home this morning. And I slept a lot and watched What Women Want. And then I met Lee at Waffle House and we talked about our lit papers and I gave Becky my pictures from prom. And then I left my car there, came home and couldn't get my computer to work. And my mom got mad when she found out I left my car there. And they went to get it. So my mom's all pissed and shit. And I'm still working on my lit paper. And I'll surely be up forever. Cause I'm just... not tired. And I feel like I have a lot to do. Gotta work on Drama Club stuff for the meeting Tuesday. And spanish exam is Tuesday. EEK! Ok, back to the paper. Shouldn't take toooooo much longer. :-)

2002-05-02T23:09:00.000-04:00

well, it's time for bed tonight. or something like that. spanish homework, bed, all the same... tomorrow's a big day. going out with alex and paul and maybe even brian. oooh! and they're all gonna put the moves on me according to brian. since he thinks everyone wants me. haha whatever. anyways, we will have fun. tonight I went shopping with puja. well, we went... puja-shopping. oops. I feel bad. oh well. I will be going now. byebye.

2002-05-01T22:05:00.000-04:00

I just need somebody to love. rather, I need somebody to love me. I am very good at loving. it's being loved that I fail at. hmm perhaps that is a problem. well, anyway, I'm the new drama club president. And I feel that people really do love me. :-) If only I could think up a costume for the banquet. Ok, yeah, I've got lots to do. Whew... hehe.

2002-05-01T20:47:00.000-04:00

meat, potatoes, and us. Einstein is an ink pisser. I'm a very tired girl. So I think I will go to sleep again. :-) I'm so freakin tired. Ok, byebye.

2002-04-30T18:24:00.000-04:00

Happy. What the hell is happy? I think I'm happy, maybe. I feel happy. Most of the time. But I am afraid of doing something to make myself unhappy without knowing it. I tend to do that. And it's like I'm happy. Until I start thinking about it. But I keep watching myself to make sure I'm not making some decision that will ruin the little happiness I have. I am seriously afraid of messing everything up for myself again. So... argh. We'll see. I've got a lot of planning to do for the summer and stuff. Eek, I like this feeling of busy once again coming. Gooooood. :-D Maybe this will make me happier. Ahhh. Ok.

2002-04-30T18:13:00.000-04:00

Well, last night I slept toooo much, so I didn't get to say anything else about my weekend. Let's see. Prom was good. I'm glad I went. Nice pictures. Good fun. We ate at waffle house and got tickets to a circus. :-) And we went to prom in Reagan's truck. It was really fun. I had a great time. Everyone looked nice and everything was very... nice. Then Alex and Katie spent the night over here and we got about an hour of sleep, only to get up and drive to Rock Eagle with Dan and Parin. And then we were just doing Latin Convention stuff. Alex and I were nuts the entire weekend. Parin and I got married and he even gave me a ring. ;-) Me and Alex had a joke about having a penis and well, I won't go into that. My car has a vulgar name that I also won't go into. It was just generally a good time. Katie was not happy, I think. But Alex and I had a blast. Good pictures from that as well. Then I came home and went to eat at Lee's house. We had fun looking at pictures and talking and stuff. And we went to Brusters and got a banana split to share. Then we sat in my driveway and had an interesting conversation about love and hapiness. And then... yesterday at school was fun. I had a good day, I guess. Then at therapy I did not bode well. I have issues with running away from problems and refusing to lay blame on myself. But I'll talk about that later, I guess. And... yeah. Today has been ok. I had a long talk with Kim about Drama Club and I completely think I will win President on Thursday. I better!!! So yeah, I think that's about it. Lee has some ok pictures of me from Florida that he loves. Stuff is... going well, I think. Well, maybe. Hehe. So that's my little update on stuff.

2002-04-29T17:38:00.000-04:00

I'm off to therapy and I'll be back later to talk all about my weekend. :)

2002-04-29T17:08:00.000-04:00

The QT hot dog won the second world war. It's not just a wiener, it's a way of life. don't forget that. it's very important.

2002-04-24T18:10:00.000-04:00

I'm not gonna waste the best comeback on ya now. But don't think I don't have it. It's time will come!!

2002-04-24T17:28:00.000-04:00

I don't need water. Water's for quitters!

2002-04-24T17:19:00.000-04:00

Of course he lives in a pineapple, you silly!

2002-04-24T11:41:00.000-04:00

every day I fight a war against the mirror, I can't take the person staring back at me. Yeah, I'm writing my lit paper now. And then I'll write the TOK paper. And then I'll write the history paper. Geez!! It's gonna be a long day.

2002-04-23T21:07:00.000-04:00

I am so NOT doing my lit paper. ARGH. I think I'm gonna take a nap. I really feel like crap today. Stuff is all wrong. Damnit.

2002-04-23T19:26:00.000-04:00

I'm surprised you were able to write so legibly on your own butt.

2002-04-23T18:36:00.000-04:00

Oh my gosh. Scare the hell out of me, already! I come home and there's a mustang sitting in my driveway. A red mustang. Oh, lordy, if that's not scary. Ok, anyway, aw shit is french, if you didn't know!! :-) And bowties cause something strange in people. Hehehe. Hmm yes, happy birthday to Nick. I know he probably won't see this or anything and he hates me or whatever. But I'd still like to say happy birthday. I hope he has had a lovely birthday. And I really hope he's very happy. I know he is. And I am sincerely glad for him. I just felt the need to say that. I don't hate him and I do miss him. I wish we could be friends. Today is just a regret day, I guess. So anyway, happy birthday, Nick, wherever you are.

2002-04-22T19:51:00.000-04:00

I wanna know what kind of office this is where you can't leave your pants in the room.

2002-04-22T17:34:00.000-04:00

is nautical nonsense what you wish? it's what I wish!

2002-04-22T17:11:00.000-04:00

my soul leaks out through my eyes

2002-04-22T16:56:00.000-04:00

"yeah.. try not to think about it too much.. think about gummy bears or bagel chips or similarly nice things"

2002-04-22T16:32:00.000-04:00

Ugh. Too much work to do tonight. And every night. Too much to think about. Blaaahhh! Ok, yes, today has been weird. There is weirdness going on in the world. I dunno what I'm gonna do to eliminate the weirdness. But there is definitely weirdness. My friend Bob keeps acting weird. ARGH!! Some people need to make up their minds about stuff, I think. Hmph. Ok, I'm gonna try to do history notes and a chem lab and then watch Spongebob!!! :-)

2002-04-21T23:10:00.000-04:00

Ay! I dunno about today. It is very odd. I am worried about my good friend Lee. But I think everything will be fine. I just got back from his house and now I think I'll do my homework. But it's so damn hot in this house, I'm gonna burn up. Aggghhh. My parents are just too cheap to pay for air, damnit. GRR! Ok, I really gotta go do homework. Goodnight.

2002-04-21T19:47:00.000-04:00

it's you plus me divided by, inadequacy times my denial, minus three words that were thrown around...

well, i'm all spent, all sentimentally retarded now, you know it's true. i may have shot what life i've got, but i don't want a life, i just want you...

i don't want you to love me anymore... than enough, i can't be held accountable if you can't make up your mind. tonight, as much as i would like to, i can't put my hands all over you...

2002-04-21T19:45:00.000-04:00

there was a time when i thought i should try to make myself hate you to get by. it wasn't hard to do, to think of you and all the things you put me through. but now i've had some time to contemplate, and i've discovered other things to hate. there's still bitterness i can't resist, but you're moving to the bottom of a pretty long list.

2002-04-21T19:44:00.000-04:00

and if i'm crying, well what did you expect? i've been trying, but i still don't know how not to be a wreck.

you taught me how i play the fool. every mistake that i make, i couldn't have made without you.

2002-04-21T19:39:00.000-04:00

it doesn't matter now, what i should have done then, my heart was in the right place at the wrong time again.

2002-04-21T16:51:00.000-04:00

i got my ways i've got my reasons i could sit for days and count the reasons why i like to sit around and get high and waste my life away.

2002-04-21T16:48:00.000-04:00

well i try and i hide the pain that i feel inside and the way that you talk just makes me nervous inside and the way that you walk won't you come over tonite well you take most everything and fake it all the time.

2002-04-21T14:23:00.000-04:00

My sister has a genital defect. While we were out... I got gas and I couldn't get the gas thing to come out of the car. It was a very bad experience. I finally did get it yanked out though, so that's good. I didn't have to drive off with it. It was scary for a while there though. I got some kewl shoes though. So that's good. Got that over with. Black and weird looking, but I like them. I suppose that's all that matters. Anyway, now I gotta do the dishes or something. Be back later!

2002-04-21T11:03:00.000-04:00

Republican! What if your lover has a really long name? Wouldn't that be hard to scream their name while you're sugaring? Maybe just a little bit. Is it possible to marry the pool boy without legs? Would a pool boy without legs even be good for anything? Who knows. But you really shouldn't cut off your legs, even if they are a little cumbersome. And definitely not your penis. We need that. No matter how cumbersome it is. ToO BaD!! When Reagan and I are rich and famous we're gonna live next door to each other and have pool boys. :-)

DAMNIT ALL TO HELL!!!!! I HATE my mother. She's being a big fat ugly bitch for no damn reason. Sorry, I just had to let that out. I hope my mom dies in a car crash on her way to "going the fuck away from you"... because I hate her. That is all. goodbye.

2002-04-21T10:55:00.000-04:00

I get so nervous I'm shaking Gets so I got no pride at all Gets so bad but I just keep coming back for more I guess I just get off on that stuff I'm thinking about taking some time I'm thinking about leaving soon I got some things I can't tell anyone I got some things I just can't say They're the kind of things no one knows about I just need somebody to talk to me In all this time The bottom line's you don't know how much I feel You say you see but I don't agree You don't know how I feel

"That's me! That's Bill! That's my head! Bill's got my head!" "Don't give Bill head!" Uh yes... disturbing, I know. Don't ask.

2002-04-21T10:47:00.000-04:00

cereal with a walrus on the box is the best. my momma can party hardy!! late into the night.

2002-04-21T10:46:00.000-04:00

Mr. Ward is gonna love the posters Alex and I made. If he doesn't, we'll skewer him!! So ha! He has a flat nose! But it's ok. Pop Jiffy Pop PoP!! :-) JELLO!! J-E-L-L-O! And Mahama Bama! yum. Melon balls. We will have our melon balls some other night, Alex, don't worry. Anywho, Alex and I had a LOT of fun last night. Hehehehee. And Brian wants to date a zombie, by the way. Campbell got ludus, don't you forget it! But yeah, we laughed a lot. And danced and all kinds of good stuff. And Lee called and told me about Orlando a bit. :-D He's coming back tonight!! Love you, Alex!! Even if you do have a you-know-what! ;-) All the nice people in the world are at QT!! What are you gonna do about it, man? All right, I gotta go find some damn shoes for my prom dress! Be back later! Byebye!

2002-04-20T23:52:00.000-04:00

"Mistakes are hard to undo." - From Alex. :-)

2002-04-20T23:36:00.000-04:00

Mexican rainbows!! They're special! they have these Mexican pots of gold! woohoo!!

2002-04-20T23:31:00.000-04:00

WOW!!! I got an Arby's coupon. My friend Jerome gave it to me. Emily and Alex and I went up to Arby's to buy Emily some dinner and Jerome thinks we're going to the nude beach or the club. But really we're going to Iowa. Cause it's kewl as hell.

2002-04-20T13:16:00.000-04:00

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

2002-04-20T13:14:00.001-04:00

If your parents didn't have children, chances are that you won't either.

2002-04-20T13:14:00.000-04:00

A good laugh is sunshine. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

2002-04-20T06:57:00.000-04:00

I'm off to eat pancakes. Early, isn't it? And I'm damn tired too. Byebye!

2002-04-20T00:07:00.000-04:00

All right, so I have to remember to call Courtney sometime. Eek. Oops. And.... yeah. I am getting tired. I'm trying to think of something else eventful. Nope, nothing. Haha. Ok, sorry, this is pointless. byebye "there goes my hero, watch him as he goes"

2002-04-20T00:05:00.000-04:00

I am not an atomic playboy! But we are very jealous of China because they have the annual polishing of phallic shapes. Normally one would do such activities in the home, but China's so crowded. :-)

2002-04-20T00:03:00.000-04:00

Run for your desks, pigs!!! You'll be safe from nuclear weapons there!

2002-04-20T00:02:00.000-04:00

Hellooooo!!! I have problems. Rather a specific problem, I think. But that will remain an enigma. I went out with Paul tonight. To Guitar Center and Waffle House and Circuit City and standing outside the movie theater. It was fun. Yes, I'd do it again. And perhaps I will. Anyways, today we watched a very funny video in TOK that I have to talk about. Horses wearing gas masks just evades me. Project Up Shot Knock Out is the best, most definitely. And there's the cactus event. Where does the government get these names? George is my friend. My 225 kiloton friend. He exploded his monstrous bomb in cynical violation of US demands. Or something like that.

2002-04-18T23:58:00.000-04:00

Asha has been very nice to me today. People are being very nice lately, in general. Tomorrow's a big day. Lots of exciting things happening. We shall see what happens. Katie and I skipped school today and I ate part of my spork with my ice cream. Oooops. Yes, and what else? Hmm. I am getting tired. Too late for me. I took Lee to school this morning. He has trouble packing. I miss him a bit. But I hope he's having fun in Orlando, and I know I'll see him later. I must remind myself to get the scone girl poem from him to write on my shoe. It's a lovely piece of literature. And I'm sure I'll have plenty of exciting stuff to tell Lee when he gets back. Anyway, I saw Steel Magnolias tonight. Reagan cried. I... thought it was pretty good. Ok, yeah, I am getting soooo tired. I'll post more tomorrow, I think. Nightnight!

2002-04-18T23:43:00.000-04:00

hey, don't write yourself off yet it's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on just do your best do everything you can and don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say it just takes some time

2002-04-18T22:46:00.000-04:00

Today has been fun, if anyone cares. I was confused yesterday, and I still am today. Just.... feeling a bit better about it. I suppose all things will work out as they are supposed to. So oh well. I'll just go with the flow and let things unfold. Not worry about what I want or what I think I want. I think that's best. Argh. I will finish these thoughts in a moment. I am going to make my brownies and calm my yelling mother.

2002-04-18T22:10:00.000-04:00

that's a whole lot of blinker. careful there. your friend's just up the road. :-)

2002-04-17T20:57:00.000-04:00

how can it be wrong to love someone? how can you feel so strongly about something, so passionately... and have it be wrong? love should not be wrong. it doesn't seem to make sense to me. if you love someone so much, how can they not love you back? I don't understand that at all. but now... I have to go pick up my damn mother. so I'll be back later.

2002-04-17T20:52:00.000-04:00

I just want to start over. how do you fix your life if you don't know where it went wrong?

2002-04-17T19:36:00.000-04:00

if my fingers clench too tightly, it's because i'm afraid i'll lose my grip, if i think about you nightly, it's because i'm afraid i might forget

2002-04-17T19:34:00.000-04:00

I think I don't know what I want. Ha. Go figure. I am quite confused at the moment. I feel at the moment like I will never be able to live my life without terrible complications. Perhaps I am the one who causes all these complications. I just... wish it didn't have to be so hard. I know this is all very vague. But... yeah. As Reagan would say, I know what I mean. Hmmm.... I feel like life keeps throwing me into these very sticky situations. And I just don't know what to do with myself. I keep getting that feeling that I'm floating on air through life. And I'm not really living my life, just going through the actions. And I hate that feeling. Because then nothing seems to matter to me. OH well. I'll get over it. Like I always do. :'(

2002-04-17T19:22:00.000-04:00

here I stand sad and free I can't cry and I can't see what I've done

2002-04-17T19:19:00.000-04:00

don't you stare like you never cared I know you did you just smiled like a bank teller telling me bleakly have a nice life

2002-04-17T19:11:00.000-04:00

encumbered forever by desire and ambition there's a hunger still unsatisfied our weary eyes still stray to the horizon though down this road we've been so many times

2002-04-17T16:13:00.000-04:00

I haven't felt the way I feel today in so long it's hard for me to specify I'm beginning to notice how much this feels like a walking limb pins and needles

2002-04-17T16:11:00.000-04:00

I think... I am beginning to share Reagan's desire to be touched more and more. That sounds dirty, I realize. But she knows what I mean. And it's not dirty. Human contact is unavoidable and necessary for life. But I hate people. I really, honestly do. People are so damn complicated. And will there ever be a person that just says what they feel? I know I don't do it either. Actually, I'm probably one of the worst about not doing it. But just cause I'm so damn afraid people won't tell me how they feel. Or that I am wrong and I shouldn't feel how I feel. I never feel like I feel correctly. If that makes any sense. I'm in self-analytical mode. Trying to figure myself out. We'll see how that goes after the math homework.

2002-04-16T23:36:00.000-04:00

I will crush your pretty toenails into a thousand pieces

2002-04-16T23:23:00.000-04:00

bovine university! that's for me. I'm the big ugly sluggish cow! woooohooO! good old BU!

2002-04-16T22:48:00.000-04:00

Oh, goodness. nothing ever goes according to plan. weird stuff is always popping up. GRRRR!!!! WHY???!!!???

2002-04-16T16:30:00.000-04:00

Lee likes to sugar on the stairs. Reagan and I need to make an abrupt left turn and not go down that road anymore. :-) But now I must go meet Reagan to get some shoes. I will post more stuff later. I promise!! Byebye! Don't miss me too much.

2002-04-16T16:28:00.000-04:00

not that you knew me back then. Lee is a bad girl, so he doesn't get anything for being such a good girl. You know why he's a bad girl? Cause he beat me with some cheese. And he burped mustrad. Yes. No. I don't know. Napkin. Presbyterian.

2002-04-15T17:22:00.000-04:00

i don't know what one means by happy i'm happy spasmodically if i eat a chocolate turtle i'm happy when the box is empty i'm unhappy when i get another box i'm happy again happiness is a word for amateurs

2002-04-15T17:08:00.000-04:00

ok. so time for spring break update. I went to FL with Lee all week long. We had a great time. We went to the beach every day we were there and I even turned a bit tan. Lee and I made a giant ape in the sand. That's his mom. The yeti. Lee is very turtle and he likes to sugar on the stairs. He used to be a little black kid named Webster. Yeah, I could go on and on. Lee and I had a really great time. Well, at least I did, maybe I shouldn't speak for him. :-) Either way, I'm glad I went. It was a new experience for me. And lots of fun. I got to ride in a 65 Mustang. That was very nice. Lee's family is soooo nice. It made me ponder my family and how we're not nice. And I kinda wish we were sometimes. Oh well. I also met Lee's mom's friend Louise. The 46 year old woman with a Harley. Very nice woman. We went to Chuck E. Cheese and played games. That was eventful. We saw this movie Y Tu Mama Tambien... it was good, we decided. Oh boy, I can never remember everything we did. And everything we said. I'll try to think of it when I'm less tired. For now, that's enough. I'll say more later, of course. ;-)

2002-04-15T00:34:00.000-04:00

save yourself for someone who loves you for you

2002-04-05T19:28:00.000-05:00

Oh yes, before I forget. I wanted to comment on the dream man. Reagan and I came across this great vision. The pantsless man. Yes, you may say, that is always nice. However, our pantsless men must be wearing dress shirts and ties and socks. and boxers. very very sexy. I could just eat that up. and Reagan does have a fetish for men's ties. anyway, yeah, that's our great vision of sexiness. just thought I would share before I forget to. ;-)

2002-04-05T19:21:00.000-05:00

Reagain!! Today I went shopping with Puja today. Interesting time. Then I went shopping with Parin and Gloria for a present for Ms. Roberson's wedding. We bought her some gladiolas. And tomorrow we're meeting at Parin's and going to the wedding. But now I'm fighting with my sister. :-) And I gotta go shopping for shampoo and stuff to take to Florida. So anyway, byebye! Reagain! It's like... Rogaine! hehehehe.